The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
