I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
