You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
