What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
