Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
