Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
