I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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