Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
