I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
