my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
