I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just cropdusted the office
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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