I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
