piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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