I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
