I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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