Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
