The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
