someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
