This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
