My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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