doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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