I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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