you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
