I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
