I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You smell like stripper and shame
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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