We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
