U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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