Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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