she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
another moral hangover. fuck.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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