it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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