i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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