I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
