i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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