Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
