How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
