remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
