Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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