If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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