the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
