If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
