Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
