I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
