there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
