Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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