Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
