so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He did a backflip because drugs
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