Having a random hookup so left but love u
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
