its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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