saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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