office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
