I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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