We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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