just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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