Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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